The Rambler – A Late Night Post

Here’s where I’m at, for the most part. I am still down due to the sinus infection and endo flare up. Endo flare ups are like…the absolute worse thing ever. The only thing that helps is sleep and a heating pad. The good thing is I have a new doc appt in two weeks so it’s just holding out for that countdown. 

Between feeling icky and work, I am fairly occupied. My writing has taken a back seat at this time just because I’m not feeling the greatest. This evening is the first evening I have a decent amount of energy and feel alright. 

My mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts lately in relations to life and death. Mainly because it’s been around me with relatives and illnesses. It’s made me realize and question my own mortality, my own being here. Our paths, our journeys, whatever we each wish to call it that we are on….whether it be misdirected or misguided or straight as an arrow or one with nothing but curveballs. I’ve thought a lot about what matters, what is important, what counts. 

I have come to this – 

I am thankful for who is in my life right now and those who I have been grateful enough to spend time with before they passed. I am grateful for the time spent with my grandfather. I am grateful for time spent with those who matter. Family and friends, those closest and nearest and dearest to my heart. 

There’s a few –

I am grateful you taught me lessons. You taught me how to get off of my feet when you cause hurt and pain. You taught me how to be resilient and find strength in my voice when you made me doubt it. Other than that, I do not care. I don’t care what happens to you, what life throws your way or how you end up. I have cut that off as far and much as I can. 

Enjoy your evening, I’ll be sharing poetry later this week.

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Sunday

Finally a weekend where I am beginning to feel better. Good lord. This has been absolutely non-stop with the colds, sniffles, infections – you name it! I don’t think the absurd weather changes help either. One day seems like Spring and the next we are getting 6-7 inches of snow.

January in this new year can be all about stepping off on the right foot for 2019. Start the year off positively! Don’t hold yourself up on resolutions which even myself am guilty of doing but what I am trying this year is to be better than who I was yesterday. In all areas of my life really. Health, happiness, work, etc.

 

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Time Out

I haven’t been able to post or write in a while – here is the gist…

I am so darn sick. Like sinus infection and getting over that. Well, a few days ago I woke up in the absolute worst pain of pains. My lower abdomen was screaming. It wasn’t pretty! Turns out I have a bladder infection AND UTI so at the moment it is nothing but meds and rest.

Here we go, 2019!

Poem – Long Black Skirt

She walks the city streets

Desperate to fit in

Yet not be seen

Blond hair flowing

Her feet take her places

Where she never thought she’d go

At 3am

When the only ones in the world

Are those that feel like her

But their eyes never meet, never lock

She keeps her gaze down

On her feet

On the sidewalk

She clings to words

That flash through her mind

That she lacks courage to place onto paper

She wakes

And spends another night walking

Thinking

When no words will be written

Another night wondering

Of what could be

What should be

Sunday Morning

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Happy Sunday, everyone! I spent a little time reading the other day and came across this. Honestly, I don’t know who said it. Maybe Buddha did…maybe he didn’t. But it is a good quote or saying or whatever you wish to call it. 

Looking over this past year…don’t hold onto anger. Don’t hold onto what did not happen or let you down or made you regret. The anger towards whatever happened, you have to let it go and move forward. Let it propel you into the next great thing. Whatever is in your past…decide that it is a lesson or maybe it had something to teach you. Learn from it and put a foot in the other direction. 

Poem – Uncharted

The fear of what I do not know

It cannot be seen

Touched

Felt

It escapes me

Always

Unable to grasp

Not real or tangible

It scares me to the core

That it will not be found

The uncharted

The unknown

The eerie calm

The darkness 

With the lack of having answers

To questions

Before it is time

Before you are gone

Gone

The unthinkable